I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
