I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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