well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
