Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
