break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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