who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
