I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
