I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
