The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
