That reminds me...we need to get swords
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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