I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
