I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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