I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
