Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
