my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
