I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
