K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
