He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
