I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
