You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
