Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
