You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
