you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
