Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
