we made out on top of his cat.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
