What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
