Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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