final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
