so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
