Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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