This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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