We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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