i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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