if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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