jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is the high leading the old right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
