you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
