Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The air was thick with penises
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
