I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
