her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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