Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
