I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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