She said her name was "party"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
