Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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