i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
