Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
