woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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