now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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