I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
