I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
