your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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