i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
